Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Moments When Your Ex’s ‘Ghost’ Haunts You
By Bakampa Brian Baryaguma
[Dip. Law (First Class)–LDC; Cert. PELD–NALI-K; Cert. Oil & Gas–Mak; LLB–Mak]
The book of Ecclesiastes is one of my most favourite books in the Bible. Therein, ‘the Philosopher’ aptly shows the absurdities and contradictions of human life and starkly concludes that life is not only short but also useless. Nevertheless, the Philosopher clarifies that in spite of all the negativity, doubt, pessimism and depression that bears upon and surrounds us, God–the master and controller of human destiny–by His infinite mercy and wisdom, still gives life greater meaning, worthy of having. He therefore, encourages people to work hard and enjoy God’s gifts as much as possible. Of particular importance and interest is 3:1 which states that, ‘Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses.’ True indeed and love relationships are no exception to this rule. For example, it is stated in 3:5-6 that He sets, ‘the time for making love and the time for not making love, the time for kissing and the time for not kissing ... the time for finding and the time for losing.’ It happens that one finds a lover, with whom they share pleasantries, only to lose them on another occasion, upon which they automatically qualify to be called, ‘ex’.
Yet there is no problem in that per se. The problem is those moments when either the memories of you together or simply independent incidents constantly remind you of him or her so much so that they can be called haunting times. Such times present in several ways including, first, when your friends keep making reference to the two of you during conversations; sometimes in a mocking manner. They will often tease you about still being in love with your ex but that you are only pretending not to be. Some will even be so callous as to criticize you for not having done enough to win them over. Second, your ex’s name seems to pop up every time you are say, reading a book, watching television or listening to the radio. This is a bit startling because for a while, it instantly throws you off balance and causes you to lose concentration. Third, it can be mere live images and statements that one encounters daily which have a striking resemblance of your ex in terms of name and appearance. For example, if she was called Asaba and you see the word Asaka. Fourth, dreams and illusions are a common occurrence too. Truth be told, getting over an ex may not happen overnight. As one sleeps or sits and moves idly, reflections of the ex partner sneak in their minds. The list may go on and on, but for lack of sufficient time and space, I choose to leave it at that.
These situations are not necessarily the best moments in life, as they can be really annoying and frustrating. A lot depends on how the break up occurred. If you and your ex broke up peacefully, like after agreement or the relationship simply dying a natural death due to long distance and lack of time for each other, those moments spell a sense of loneliness and sadness. If however, you broke up unhappily like after bitter quarrels, then such moments inevitably spell feelings of anger, scorn and hatred. But, all efforts should be made to overcome such really difficult moments, however hard it may be because God will see you through successfully. Interestingly, the Bible emphasizes the importance of love relationships; that they promote effectiveness. In Ecclesiastes 4:9 & 11, it states that ‘Two are better off than one ... If it is cold, two can sleep together and stay warm, but how can you keep warm by yourself? So, it is important to find a lover after another’s exit.