Monday, July 29, 2013
A Fun Filled Sports Day
By Bakampa Brian Baryaguma
[LL Dip. (First Class)–LDC; Cert. Oil & Gas–Mak; LLB (Hons)–Mak; Dip. LP Candidate–LDC]
The Law Development Centre (LDC) Bar Course students had their Sports Day on Saturday, 20 July, 2013, at the LDC premises, particularly in our Binaisa Gardens and the football pitch. The Sports Day is an annual event on the LDC calendar, celebrated by LDC students. The event was graced by our beloved Director, Mr Frank Nigel Othembi, Deputy Director, Madam Nakacwa Florence (who, in her characteristic motherly gestures, even bought for us some of Ssentongo’s ground nuts) and the Acting Head of the Department of Postgraduate Legal Studies (Bar Course), Mr Stephen Mubiru. Several games were played like athletics, football, rugby, volleyball, dancing and eating. Dulu was also there! In order to make the sports gala more competitive and interesting, the organizers divide the ten firms, A to J, into two teams whereby, firms ABCD and E, formed Team Black, while firms FGHI and J, formed Team White. By virtue of being in firm G, I automatically belonged to team white. According to the final results, we, of team white emerged overall winners of the competition. On an individual basis, however, the scores and performances were as follows:
The men’s 7 laps contest was won by team white’s Kakuru Edgar. I am told that Kakuru’s star performance has put Olympics gold medallist Kipsiro, on notice that that there are better athletes than him down here. That the man is so scared of losing national and State House fovour that he now virtually spends his days and nights in the hills of Kapchorwa training non-stop.
The men’s 400 metres race was won by team white’s Matovu Mohammed, while the ladies’ 400 metres race was won by team white’s Deborah Nakato. Rumour has it that Matovu and Nakato were actually not competing with fellow human beings, but the wind itself, which they won.
The men’s 200 metres race was won by team black’s Lugayizi Timothy, while the women’s 200 metres race was won by team white’s Kirungi Ritah. As for these two, it seems they had self-propelled engines in their feet. They were best male and female athlete respectively. I hear that considering Ritah’s supersonic speed, Nyakato Moreen raised serious and unresolved fairness issues.
The 100 metres men’s race was won by team black’s Lugayizi Timothy, while the 100 metres women’s race was won by Eyogyire Irene a.k.a. Eyos, also of team black. Following Lugayizi’s astounding presentation, I have learnt that Jamaica’s Usain Bolt nowadays is so scared that he spends his days appeasing deities or gods of all kinds, in order to keep his acclaimed world record as the fastest person on earth. As for Nabbosa Salama, she still thinks that she was not competing with the Eyos we know, but simply a gross misrepresentation of the fast running cartoon, Road Runner.
Team white’s Kambaho Brian won the men’s sack race, while Kirungi Ritah, also of team white, won the women’s sack race. Kambaho proved that even if handicapped, he is still a force to reckon with. Opponents like Omara Fabian, were left in awe at his skilful manipulation of circumstances.
The 100 metres x 4 relays (mixed) race was won by team black, comprising of Muwaya Allan, Namusikwe Priscilla, Lugayizi Timothy and Eyogyire Irene. Word has it that Muwaya’s team made good use of racing computer software in his head, to decisively knock-out competitors. Apparently, Lugayizi was everywhere, which must be why he was crowned “Most Outstanding Male.”
The 100 metres x 4 relays (men) race was won by team white, represented by Zeere James, Olupot Pascal, Sseninde Sahad and Kakuru Edgar. Whoever chose to compete against these guys was only signing a personal death warrant, sportswise, because Olupot and Sseninde were seen jointly conducting victory prayers, where Pascal invoked the Lord’s Prayer in tongues saying, “Father, give us this day our relays win,” while Sahad proceeded under that Dua Act. They couldn’t have lost;
The 400 metres x 4 relays (men) race was won by team black’s Kawalya Ronald, Tamale Thomas, Byamukama Robert and Lugayizi Timothy. This win was expected and guaranteed because before the race, Kawalya was spotted passing by a certain Bell beer depot to recharge and as you may be aware, in the Bell Nation, everything is possible, while Byamukama had earlier sent a direct e-mail to the Pope, asking him to intercede on his behalf before God, asking for victory in the forthcoming race.
It is said that nowadays, football and mankind are two inseparable phenomena. To this end therefore, there was a men’s football match, won by team black. But in all fairness, I think team white had better game play. This match was one of those rear occasions where a not-so-nice team beats a super team. Talk of David defeating Goliath. Team black’s goalkeeper, Nakueira Musa, who survived several assaults, can testify to this. Team white’s striker, Kyomuhendo Adam a.k.a. Ateenyi, constantly fired him, while team captain, Musigire Martin and Kirabira Tony, made our midfield and defence impenetrable, however much team black’s Agaba Saimon and Lugayizi Timothy tried to break through, much to the chagrin of team captain Musiimenta Ferdinand. But as they say, in every game, there must a winner and loser. Before long, team black’s goal merchants Kawalya Ronald and Byamukama Robert were able to manoeuvre threw team white’s hard defence and take goalkeeper Zeere James, unawares. At this time, team white’s managers Mwebembezi Kenneth, Businge Leonard and Kirabira Tony, found it necessary to bring Matovu Joel Charles and I on board, as dangerous substitutes, to save the situation. Matovu was a striker, while I played defence. According to spectators like Atulinda Majda, Asiimwe Esther and Lule Kennedy, I didn’t touch the ball. That all I did was just “falling and rolling on the ground.” But I think these people weren’t watching me well because I accidentally touched the ball twice. Besides, in that alleged falling and rolling, lay my technique of frustrating more goals. Ask Lado Atuna Noel to confirm that I saved at least five goals, thereby maintaining a 2:0 victory against us. That is why, whereas Kawalya was officially declared the “Best Footballer,” Osuna Jackie declared me “Man of the match” and I entirely agree with her opinion, with nothing useful to add. I am also reliably informed that while on the pitch and after, the girls were busy admiring my “nice legs” – big, smooth, hairy and well shaped. They compared theirs with mine and concluded that mine were the best. I also entirely agree with this observation.
The touch rugby (men) match was won by team black. Here, the guys charged at one another like fierce bulls, fighting for control of females in a kraal. For excelling at mugging his opponents, without challenge, Kaddu David a.k.a. Muchakaze, was recognised as the “Best Rugby Player.”
The volleyball (men) match was won by team black. But team black’s victory was not easy because the famous team white’s Isingoma Michael a.k.a. Bakaboineki, demonstrated that he is a multitalented person – good in academics, perfect in extinguishing bottled bitter liquids and also good in sports. It is said that whenever Bakaboineki, winner of the “Best Volleyball Player” award, hit the ball, team black members would instead see bottles of different kinds of liquor coming their way and so, they would scamper for safety, leaving the celebrated head of the bar, to score with great ease.
There was an eating competition too, which was won by team white. LDC’s best and top-most eaters were unveiled here and they are, in order of seniority, Baguma Allan, Kakuru Edgar and Osuna Jackie, all of team white. This trio destroyed three buns, a mega piece of really hard meat, several bottles of soda and mineral water, in just a matter of seconds and were left demanding. Running fast on the wining team’s heels, was team black’s Ayebare Michael, who found the hard as steel meat so sweet that he even ate the bones, forgetting that the competition didn’t require one to go that far.
Last but not least, there was a dance competition that was won by team white, comprising of the likes of Matsiko Godwin, Kambaho Brian, Olupot Pascal, Namiiro Hanisha, Atulinda Majda, Tora and the expectant duo, Amour Hashimah a.k.a. Shemar and Anisha Opondo, versus the likes of team black’s Masiga Collin, Tuheirwe Constance a.k.a. Cocopops, Namusikwe Priscilla, Murungi Phoebe a.k.a. Phibby, and Kaddu ‘Muchakaze’ David. Before this contest, there was widespread concern that it couldn’t be fair for as long as the likes of Godwin, Pascal and Kambaho were participating as members of one team. This concern follows my exposure of the astonishing dancing abilities of this trio, in an earlier article. It is no wonder, therefore, that team white emerged winner and that Godwin was named “Best Male Dancer.” But I think that it was all free and fair since even the impartiality of the ad hoc judging panel consisting of Director Othembi and Mr Mubiru was not and has not been disputed to date. According to the judges, team white won because of its superior organization ability, in spite of Muchakaze’s attempts to influence the Director’s decision by sweet-talking him (Director) to support his team. Nevertheless, team black excelled at the so called dancing dirty style, where Priscilla and Cocopops drove the crowd crazy, by showcasing what their mamas gave them – shaky butts. These babes shook their bums like no other before. No wonder, Cocopops was voted the “Best Female Dancer”and Priscilla, the “Most Outstanding Female.” In summing up, Director Othembi went on stage and pulled off extremely rare strokes. He must have been very active in Sunday school because his dancing style was suggestive of the Christian song, whose chorus goes like higher, higher, higher Jesus higher; lower, lower, lower Satan lower. Then, due to public demand, our beloved Mr Mubiru, got onto the stage and sealed it all by dancing judiciously.
Early in the morning, a bull was presented with promises that it would provide meat for the occasion. Later in the day, tiny pieces of salty meat mixed in cabbage and wrapped in small paper bags, were served by Opondo Anisha’s team, in huge plastic baskets. This sparked off a scramble for the delicacies, in manner reminiscent of Europe’s infamous scramble and partition for Africa in 1885. Thereafter, some meat (a few sticks) was roasted. All in all, there was an issue as to whether the early morning bull was actually slaughtered. There were divergent views: some people believed that we roasted a cow (not a bull), others thought a thigh, for some, it must have been a mere goat. One thing is for sure – the meat must have been swindled, Ugandan style! The LDC kitchen department ought to be held to account. Now, I am aware that the likes of Kawalya Shaffick and Kayobyo Robert, declared me Inspector General of Government (IGG) and so I am expected to have demanded accountability. But that’s not how this office functions. I don’t go out looking for cases to investigate. Rather, there must a formal complaint, yet there is none at the moment. So, it goes unchecked. Having said that, for those of us who were at Makerere University last year, this is the moment when we should pay tribute to Kigenyi Emmanuels, for having organized a hugely successful bull roasting function, soon after our 4th year final exams. Without any official financial contributions whatsoever, Kigenyi mobilized resources and was able to serve us with plenty of meat, with extremely huge pieces, the drinks flowed abundantly and the music blazed non-stop like crazy. Thereafter, there was the icing on the cake – Mutesi Jolly’s killer birthday party, where the food, wine, beers, sodas, water and all kinds of drinks flowed like the numerous waterfalls along River Nile. Here, the music played on till late in the night. Mutesi even brought for us singer, Toniks! I tell you, that day, the 25-05-2012, was mob fun.
Then, I hear that some people are saying that they saw me drinking beer. This is not true because I was only carrying for the head of the bar, Isingoma ‘Bakaboineki’ Michael, who was stationed in a special corner, with about seven beers, each representing an issue i.e. whether Bakaboineko can summarise this one too. Since he had a lot to carry, I helped him to carry the three bottles that some people saw me carrying. Mutesi Jolly was one of those who found me carrying one of them. She advised me to taste and see whether it is safe. Being a good and obedient Christian, I tested a little, after all, even St Paul, in the Bible, in 1 Timothy 5:23, advised him (Timothy) not to drink water only, but take a little wine too, for the good of his body. By-the-way, I often fell sick those days, but I’m now fine. Yet Mutesi was not yet done with me; she advised me to taste again, but I reminded her that the Lord’s Prayer, in Matthew 6:13, states that “Do not bring us to hard testing, but keep us safe from the Evil One.” So, I refused. Even then, Bakaboineki was only an agent of the likes of Mugarura Eric, Kawalya Ronald, Turyahabwe Gilbert, Nzwebe Philip and Lado Atuna Noel, who colonized and established a chiefdom around the crates of beer, the moment Byekitinisa and his team delivered them. Just like Jesus Christ is the way to the Father, so were these guys to the intoxicants.
I would like to applaud the organising committee, comprising of Byekitinisa Franklin a.k.a. CJ, Musigire Martin, Lugayizi Timothy and Kambaho Brian, for doing a fantastic and commendable job. Chief Organizer, Byekitinisa, was dressed like the Sports Masters of our primary and secondary school days. On a scale of 100%, I would award you guys 85%, the deficit being mainly for neglecting in-door games. Thank you, gentlemen, for a job well done. Tribute must also be paid to the event’s Mistress of Ceremony (MC), Nambatya Prossy, for skilfully and ably keeping the function lively and entertaining. Nambatya promises to give video jockey Jjingo, a run for his money.
For future purposes, I would recommend that first, more emphasis should be placed on sensitization and mobilization; second, due attention should be accorded to both out-door and in-door games. In this case, a lot of emphasis was placed on the former at the expense of the latter. For instance, I wanted to play chess and scrabble, in a competitive manner, not just for leisure, like I ended up doing. After the likes of Kigenyi Emmanuels, Ninsiima Agatha and Asiimwe Esther fearing me, there came Akoko Patrick and Lado Atuna Noel, whom I terrorized instantly. I actually taught them real chess. They ended up leaving in protest, as was rightly observed by Agelun Winnie. Thereafter, Lado and the likes of Manyire Brian, Mooka Kenneth and Nyesiga Angella, went and procured the services of a mercenary known as Bigi Nazi, an incredibly good player, but whom I hammered mercilessly, just to prove to his hirers, that their hired assassin, was no match for me. Away from chess, I also think that my brother Musota Brian would have excelled in a game like snakes and ladders, had it been provided for. With enough mobilisation, co-ordinators for each game would have been identified easily; and third, I suggest that since LDC has two major courses; the Bar course and Diploma in law course, future sports galas should be held jointly, such that there can be a contest between Bar and diploma students, at the end of first term, before diploma students leave for their clerkship or holiday.
My day ended with a pleasant discussion with Kaddu ‘Muchakaze’ David, with whom I indulged in a lengthy discussion, for about one and a half hours. Under the tent, when everybody else had left, we talked about my writing activities at LDC and what consequences they would possibly have for me. He assured me that I would pass very well. This discussion went on until we left and were about to reach Tuskys supermarket, at which point in time, we started discussing women. I told him that I have a penchant for hot and sexy girls. He showed me pictures of some of the girls he had in his phone records. They were several. So, we sat opposite Makerere University main gate, where we scrolled through his phone, commenting on the pictures therein and admiring some, until the phone blacked out, at about midnight. I must say that many of them were really nice. When I asked him how he knew these cuties, he said that they are “just my friends.” I wanted him to swear a statutory declaration to this effect, but it was too late to find a Commissioner for Oaths or Justice of the Peace to commission it. We finally parted ways; he went to Makerere’s Club Five, while I went back home, to ponder how I would write this article, in answer to Kiconco Judith, who had earlier asked me what my role was, before signing up for a night long and peaceful sleep. Well, Judith, herein lies my chief day’s role.